7 clear steps to dealing with a selfish child and changing his behavior
‘The Selfish Child’ As a ‘Mom’ You may have heard or experienced this annoying trait in one of your children or the children of someone close to you, but do you think you might be the cause of this problem without knowing it? This may be shocking to you, but in fact a child can acquire this hateful trait through the way they are raised and treated either from family members or from outside. The question remains: How do you notice that your child’s behavior needs evaluation? How do you deal with it firmly and clear steps?!
How many times have you heard your child say, “I don’t want anyone to play with my toys, this is my game alone!” An embarrassing and annoying situation for any mother whose child has become selfish and possessive. As a mother, you naturally love your child and want to give him everything you have and definitely feel that he deserves more, but this feeling can unwittingly reach you in the opposite direction and affect him negatively and make him selfish! This makes him a narcissist who feels better than others and has the privilege of winning what he wants.
“Loving your child is very healthy and good,” he said, “but thinking that your child is better than other children can lead to narcissism, and narcissism is definitely not healthy or good.” Dr. Brad Bushman is Professor of Social Communication and Psychology at The Ohio State University.
What does selfish mean?
Selfishness means giving excessive attention to oneself without looking at others, indicating the love of possessions and a hatred of sharing with others is sacrifice, but this characteristic has also evolved into self-sacrifice and giving everything we do for. For others, it can also develop because a person sacrifices his own needs and prefers others over himself.
We certainly don’t mean that in our topic here. The child must be selfless, that is, he loves to share with others and is not jealous of them, but he must also be careful and not give up his right to others, and here comes the role of the family in proper leadership and changing behavior in a healthy and effective way to control the scales to ensure that the child remains in the center, He is not selfish and does not sacrifice himself to others.
Selfishness in children
In a study conducted by some researchers to measure the level of narcissism in children, they found that children are narcissistic at an early age, that is, from the beginning of their lives to about the age of five, but this is due to a feeling of innocence, this is caused by the age group they are going through, for example if you ask children in This age who is good at a certain subject, they will all raise their hands because of course children do not do the comparative work, as he only asserts himself, and they will not understand anything about comparing themselves to others until they are eight years old!
The selfish child and the reasons for this annoying trait
It is normal for a child to direct his attention to himself and focus on himself at the beginning of his life, but with the passage of time and maturity, selfishness turns into a focus on himself and others at the same time, but when did the opposite happen? There are several reasons that can help your child develop their own selfish feelings and behaviors without your knowledge and give them a high quality selfish child . One of these reasons can be the parents themselves, either directly or indirectly. Follow up to find out the reasons.
If the child feels neglected by the family and does not pay attention to him from the beginning, especially if he is in a state of anger or fear, then he will have more motivations for self-care and focus on himself and will focus on his actions. Only property and private things, such as toys, without regard to others. In this case, the feeling of the child is normal, which in itself is to compensate for the lost interest and love of the family.
- Excessive pampering
Excessive indulgence of the child can be another cause of selfishness, as being overly caring for the child and failure to set limits on how they interact with him will lead the child to only look at themselves or take care of themselves. This feeling develops in him more self-love, he feels that the whole universe revolves around him and he becomes obsessed with himself, and therefore he will not share it with others, besides, in this case he may like indiscipline as well as selfishness. .
- Injustice between brothers
Even if a fair way of dealing with siblings is not followed, whether by fathers or mothers, it develops the child’s selfishness to compensate for the injustice he faces from the treatment of their parents, in addition to that he will develop a jealous behavior towards his brothers and brothers. Of course he will not share anything with them.
- low self-esteem:
In the event that the child does not feel safe, he is not socially intelligent or does not communicate with others, and thus suffers from a lack of understanding of others or their feelings. Get close to him and he will become selfish, so you need to support the child’s self-confidence.
- blind imitation:
Parents themselves can be the source of the child’s selfishness if the parents themselves are selfish and act selfishly in their daily dealings, and since the child sees his parents as role models for himself, he will blindly imitate them, even if he sees such selfish behavior in places like kindergarten, schools or clubs, he will also develop a selfish trait.
Steps to change a child’s selfish behavior
If you are looking for ways to change your child’s selfish behavior to repeat his behavior all over again, that’s great, but first you and the child’s parent come together in a man’s heart to take the first step on the right path. The first of these methods is to pay attention to these points:
- You should already be aware that selfishness is an unimportant behavior and must be addressed, that it is a big problem and not, as you think, a stage and it will pass.
- Take treatment seriously and no longer tolerate the selfish attitude of the child.
- You should know that it will not be easy at first so that you don’t get bored and lose from the first round, and that the more you spoil and use your child, the more difficult it becomes, so you have to be smarter. Like your child and prepare well.
- You need to be firm in his actions, mindful of every little thing, ready and ready for anything or his child’s reaction.
- Start with instructions and if he doesn’t respond in any of the ways you will, consider punishing him.
The Seven Steps to Correct Behavior:
- Getting to the root of the problem:
First you need to identify the causes and causes of the problem that your child is experiencing and find out the main reason behind his selfishness. So make a list of the expected reasons for this behavior whether it is from home, from people and friends around him or from school, and if you notice that the selfish behavior has acquired recently, you should check what has changed in your child recently to control the problem.
- Intolerance of selfish behavior:
You must first be clear in front of your child and decide not to tolerate any selfish attitude or behavior for the child, and in all cases you must guide him in every situation in which he behaves selfishly, and the dimensions of this situation and its consequences so that he knows that what he did was wrong and makes it clear to him that this act is not acceptable And you don’t completely agree with it.
- Teach him the science of empathy:
The child must learn to empathize with others and put himself in their place, because children who put themselves in the place of others and feel their pain and needs develop generosity and selflessness, so you must learn the art of empathy and relate to your child always focus on the feelings of others in front of him. You can develop this for him as well by pointing out the facial expressions of others around him and helping him to understand each of their own expression or behaviour, to understand the difference between different emotions and between sadness and joy and happiness and others and understanding.
You can also play an imaginary game with the child, standing in someone else’s shoes and imagining how they would feel if they were in the same situation as that person. This will help you a lot in correcting his behavior.
- His altruistic teaching:
Parents should point out the child’s selfish behavior and explain the opposite of this behavior, self-denial, by supporting his positive attitude. The child will repeat these positions proudly and happily.
- Set limits and restrictions:
The child develops the trait of selfishness when he gets used to pampering himself and getting everything he wants, so you have to set for him certain and clear limits and restrictions, appropriate for his age, so that he does not exceed them, and you have to stick to them and do not give in to them no matter what happens, and know that the child can resort to tricks Others to get what he wants like crying and angry, but you have to be persistent or whatever he wants whenever he wants. And that’s how the people around you should behave too, don’t waste what you do with it.
- Be a role model:
Children are always looking for role models and ideals, and their parents are the best role models. Learn to lead your child positively through positive situations in front of him. Teach him indirectly through your actions with others and be generous with them. And always draws attention to good deeds and the value that leaves an impact. Good at the heart of others, share with others before him so that he also learns to be cooperative and share with others, you have to play a good role model, so he will imitate you first and become selfless.
- Reward your child:
You need to encourage and reward your child when he adopts a selfless attitude in order to develop his motivation to continue down this path, tell him that his situation is good this time, talk to him in detail about the situation and listen to him why he did this to build his confidence and encourage him to repeat such situations.
In the end, dear parents, we hope that we have given you everything you wish to know about how to change the selfish behavior of children and how to deal with this behavior easily, simply and wisely which is your sole responsibility. Any mental health problem or complications .. are cultivated in the love of benevolence and sharing. Our children are like little roses, we need to keep taking care of them and nourishing them in the best possible way. Teach them that “happiness” will be destroyed and returned to its owner. “Now we are going to take you on a short trip to discover some other problems that you may not know about your children!